Bound By Cords of Love

Experience as Shared by Katra Qali

Being a caregiver is not easy at times. There are many moments of tears & sadness.  It is also a learning process where one finds they are learning new things that are sometimes hidden; things that you never thought exist. Someone gets a lot of experience.

Caregiving within a family is a general responsibility that everyone does. As I share my caregiving experience, I am appreciating the Suruvi HomeCare services’ connection cafe for the social & informative platforms it provides for different caregivers. It is a great inspiration for me and a healing platform.

 Caring for my humble sister.

I am a sister to a most wonderful lady whom I got the opportunity to take care of. Being a humble and kind person is what I admire the most thing in my sister, she is down to earth as they say, and this made me be so close to her ever since our mother passed away. Yes, she is older than me.

 Journey of pregnancy

I live in my dad’s home of which my sister lives far away from us. Every weekend I used to visit her and do all the house chores for her. As days passed she became pregnant. I was happy hearing the news,  I sometimes imagined holding the baby in my arms before it’s even born, it had been such a long time since I’d held a baby.

 As the pregnancy progressed my sister became weaker and weaker. During normal routine clinic check-ups, the doctor told her that she would not be able to carry the baby past 7months. At that point, she was 6months &27 days pregnant. She had previously undergone four surgeries in delivering. There is a saying in our culture – whatever was meant for you will never miss. We humans being are weak but so long as you believe that God is by your side all you need to do is pray and be strong.

To get back to the story, the doctor put my sister on bed rest till delivery time however the next day after the hospital visit she started bleeding. I was with her, she was so frustrated as she couldn’t move out of the bed. I too got scared seeing as there was a pregnant woman bleeding clots. It was midnight and we were at a place that was far from hospital with nobody to call out to for help. Her husband was away from the town where we were, I gave him a call and told him what was happening. At that time I wished I had a car to take a dying person to the hospital. My sister’s husband confirmed that he had sent his brother to pick us.

As we waited for the vehicle the bleeding became so much that she was lying in a pool of blood looking so pale. I was scared to death calling everyone in my family but no one answered. I run to the gate to looking for anyone to help me but even the neighbours were far from us and it was dangerous to walk at night. I was running back and forth like a mad person, I was so overwhelmed. It remains the worst moment of my life. I went and got some water and held my sister’s head trying to make her drink water but the water came back from her mouth and she went unconscious. I started praying for her life.

 Finally, our brother-in-law arrived and together we took my sister to the hospital. By that time my sister had regained her consciousness and she was immediately taken to the theatre for the operation which would be her fifth surgery. The baby, unfortunately, died in the process. The mother survived.  After the hospital discharge, she was taken home and I was responsible for her care. The first 10 days were a very crucial time for me as a caregiver. I washed her and cleaned her because she was producing colostrum which should have been good for feeding the baby. I fed her and also to make her walk around the compound. As a caregiver, I had taken on a burden that I was not ready for. Nothing could have prepared me for the weight of caring like this.

I was so overwhelmed with the work. The long hours of physical work in the day, sleep deprivation at night and the fatigue. I neglected myself sometimes going without eating for a whole day. This led me to physical and emotional illness however my sister was getting better little by little. This was very satisfying for me.

I can talk of a positive experience in caregiving because of the satisfaction of knowing that my loved one got excellent care and I personal growth. Caring for my sister strengthened ties between us as we became closer than before and this inspired my self-confidence. My sister gained full recovery eventually but the doctor told her no more giving birth and this gave her physical stress. I was continuously giving her counselling and finally, she is now healthy and happy after a long struggle and we thank God

As caregiver I advice other caregivers, do not forget yourself. When it’s a family member it’s all about love remember to love unconditionally as this strengthens family ties.  I emphasize self-care; take good care of yourself.

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